This preview contains graphic language and sex and is intended for mature readers only.
Chapter One
“We are two people tip-toeing through a minefield,” Robin
said. “We’re afraid to mess up, afraid of how easy it is to lose everything.”
Belinda listened. She was staring at her bare feet against the
neatly trimmed grass and clover. She and Robin were in the garden, which was
made private by tall hedges and shade trees. There was a stone path that led
from the kitchen nook to a private area where comfortable outdoor furniture had
been situated around a stone fire pit.
They were supposed to be getting ready for the barbecue that
Jason was having to celebrate his birthday but somehow one thing had led to
another and Robin and Belinda had gone from gossiping about trivial events that
they’d seen on Twitter to having a deep heart to heart about Jason and Robin’s
relationship—all while sharing a joint.
They were reclining on a low black wicker sectional, which
was piled high with cushions. Robin was lying on the chaise portion while
Belinda was propped up on the sofa portion.
Belinda flicked her toes against the soft grass, enjoying
the feel of it and enjoying the missed time with her friend.
“You and Jason have had some rough times. But with Amberly heading
back to Japan the main part of your problems are gone.” Belinda quickly added;
“Not that I don’t love that girl, but there was no way that she could think
things would be hunky dory between you two. Not after you decked her and not
after you sang that song about her.” Belinda shook her head at the idea of
Robin Mathena from six months ago doing those things to Amberly.
Robin had been outraged after she had slept with Jason only
to learn afterwards that he had Amberly actually living in his house. Robin had
not only decked her but had decked him too. After she had calmed some, she had
regretted her actions and had invited the entire crew to last night’s final
performance of the summer for her group Orange Crush.
But then Robin had looked at Amberly sitting there so happy
and something had welled up inside of her—maybe not hatred but she would never
trust that girl again. And the result had been a song—a special song that she
had sang directly to Amberly. Amberly had gotten the message loud and clear and
last night she and her husband had moved out of Jason’s place by the time the
two of them had returned.
Jason hadn’t been happy about her actions. At the time it
had seemed completely appropriate … this morning, when she was no longer high
it was a different story.
Robin took another draw from the joint and passed it back to
Belinda. “It’s not just Amberly.” She closed her eyes. “He hated what I did,
but he didn’t tell me that. He wouldn’t dare tell me that. I know that when it
comes to her, he has to walk a delicate line—but even before that, this entire week
has been sex—which is always good, and fear. It’s that fear that prevents us
from being who we used to be.” Robin sat up from the chaise and looked at
Belinda closely.
“It’s him afraid that one little thing will send me running
away. It’s me not wanting to put all of my eggs into one basket. I feel like I
need to hold something back. But I don’t want to wonder when the next shoe is
going to drop. And that’s what I’m doing—what we’re both doing. I’m not the
same person that I used to be, Belinda. I’m not going to allow myself to hurt
like I did before. I’m putting something around my heart now and it’s got …”
she looked at a distant point. “It’s got spikes around it.”
Belinda took a draw from the joint and handed it back to
Robin who declined it with a short wave of her hand. Belinda thought about her
friend’s words and remembered when she had done the same, had thrown their
friendship back at them because by not letting people in they couldn’t hurt
you—but also they couldn’t love you. She sighed.
“Look, maybe this is the way you’re supposed to be for a
while. Careful. It’s like self-preservation. You’re not going to allow your
feelings to keep getting beat up on. But …” Belinda swallowed. “Pain can change
you. A lot of people put armor around themselves and they live a lonely life; a
long lonely life. That could have been me—if I hadn’t opened up and let you
guys back in. If I hadn’t opened my heart I wouldn’t be here now sitting with
you.”
Robin smiled and squeezed Belinda’s knee affectionately. She
thought about how Miss Lucille had spent the last thirty years fantasizing
about a life that she had not allowed herself to live. And what about her own
Mother? After her daddy’s death it had taken two full years for her mother to
admit to herself that she was more than a widow.
Belinda continued talking. “We all have to ask ourselves
what it is we want in the deepest parts of our hearts—the parts that we don’t
share with others because it’s a part that we can hardly tell ourselves.”
Robin looked at Belinda quickly.
She continued, “Then we have to decide if the price we have
to pay is worth it.”
Robin had already asked herself and answered that question.
She wanted to love Jason. That was the thing she most desired.
“I know that I can make it without Jason, but without him my
life felt joyless. Everyday I waited for it to get better. And there were days
where I could laugh—but not as hard as when I laughed with Jason. I could be
happy but it never touched the heights of joy that I experienced when Jason was
in my life. I know that I can live without Jason in my life—but it ain’t
nothing like living when he’s in my
life.”
Belinda smiled but it was stopped short when Robin gave
Belinda an intense look.
“But that doesn’t mean that I won’t walk away if I need to.”
Belinda took one more draw from the joint and put it out on
one of the stones near her feet.
“You two aren’t the same people that you were six months
ago.” Belinda could see that in just the few days that she had been reunited
with her friend. “You two have to relearn each other, I think. And maybe you
won’t feel the same once that happens.”
Robin was shocked by her friend’s statement. She loved Jason
but that didn’t mean that everything between them would instantly repair
itself. They had broken a lot of things—and among them was trust. She was
willing to work on it but neither she nor Jason knew how to be themselves
around the other without fear.
“We have to stop tip-toeing around each other,” Robin said
while lying back down on the chaise and closing her eyes. She needed him to
know that she wouldn’t run away every time the going got rough. And she needed
to know that he realized that she was more than just his girlfriend, his
caregiver, his lover etc., but a person that had her own individual needs.
Robin and Belinda knew that they couldn’t linger much longer
in the garden. Peter had taken Jason to get a haircut and Jason’s Mom and Dad
would arrive later that evening to celebrate Jason’s birthday. Jason had
mentioned that his Dad was anxious to meet her—which she felt uneasy about.
They had only been together less than a week. And although she had no plans to
go anywhere, they were still standing on shaky ground.
She didn’t even look forward to seeing Mrs. Hamilton who she
actually liked. Jason’s mom was astute and Robin was afraid that she would read
her like a book; her fears, her desires, her mistrust …
Jason and Peter returned while Robin and Belinda were
showering away the smell of marijuana from their bodies. Peter knew that
Belinda smoked pot and while he did not indulge he had no problems with her
doing it.
Jason was a different story. He neither drank nor did
illegal drugs--and the girl that he had fallen in love with did not either. Jason
had fallen in love with a naïve, virginal, deeply shy girl. And Robin was no
longer that same person.
She mulled over Belinda’s words that they had to relearn
each other … and maybe they wouldn’t feel the same about each other.
Jason disliked that she smoked pot but Robin enjoyed the way
pot made her feel, the way the tension and anxiety sifted away, and the way she
stopped caring about the small things. She convinced herself that it was much
better than drinking and that her ulcers weren’t affected by it. Only,
sometimes being high was bad for her. It made her sing songs to people that she
might later regret.
It had made it easier for her to be sexually involved with
men she didn’t even desire.
And if detected in her blood stream it would make it
impossible for her to get a job at a rehabilitation facility working for
children with disabilities.
However, if she stopped smoking pot it would be her decision
and not because Jason disapproved.
Robin stepped out of the shower with a towel wrapped around
her and jumped when she saw Jason standing in the bedroom examining the
underwear that she had laid out on the bed along with the sundress that she was
going to wear.
“Jason!” she yelped.
He jumped and dropped her panties back to the bed with a
guilty expression.
He looked at her and grinned. “I was just imagining you in
them.” Which was the truth but he was also imagining taking them off of
her—with his teeth.
Jason’s attraction for Robin had transformed in the months
since their separation. In the past it had mainly manifested itself sexually.
And certainly, he still became aroused at the sight of her in moments like
this, when she was fresh out of the shower and naked beneath a short towel.
But mainly his desire was just to have her. Not sexually but
physically in his presence, in his life. That desire far outweighed his need
for sex. Tomorrow he would be twenty years old and he still wanted sex every
single day just like when he had been a teenager.
But now he was different because Robin was not his sexual
outlet any longer. He didn’t dream about finding her so that he could have sex
with her. He’d spent night after night dreaming about finding his joy, his best
friend, the portion of himself that without her felt truly crippled.
His eyes swept over her, capturing her short brown hair,
which she would soon blow-dry out into a cute little Afro. And her little round
nose that drew the eye to full bow lips that begged to be suckled. And most
captivating of all were light colored grey-hazel eyes that peeked beneath
hooded, almond shaped lids that seemed at odds with her deep brown skin. She
was average height with a shapely body that was neither too thin nor too thick
although the latter was something that had taken Jason months to convince her
of.
This woman, who had disappeared from his life only to
reappear tentatively and unsure, was the one person that he had opened up to
and had shared everything with; the first person he’d made love with, the first
person he’d shared a pregnancy scare with, the first person other than himself
that he’d wept out of fear for and the first person to love him with total
abandon.
He inhaled deeply, breathing in the feeling that had grown
so large in his chest that it felt like an actual weight sitting on him. His
love for Robin was desperate. He would do whatever it took to make sure she
never left him again—including reigning in his sexual desires.
Robin crossed the room and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him
quickly. She was not going to start anything with Jason only to have to hop
right back into the shower in order to wash off the smell of sex. They had
already done things this morning that had created the need for her first shower
of the day.
She allowed her fingers to run through his hair.
“I like your haircut.”
His response was to lean in and kiss her again but
afterwards she slipped out of his arms and hurried to the dresser where she had
set up a small menagerie of makeup, deodorant, perfumes and lotions.
“Not too short,” she said while securing the towel around
her body and reaching for the deodorant.
She liked his wild red hair and the way it haloed his face
whenever he had been too preoccupied to brush it. Now, months later, he kept it
tamed but it still ran past his ears and into his face. The haircut had only
served to reduce some of the length so that it no longer touched his shoulders.
But it was still long enough so that whenever he leaned over her it would still
cascade over his face and sweep along her skin to tantalize her.
Robin squeezed her knees together, fighting back the desire
that only Jason had the power to quench.
He leaned his cane against the bed and limped to his walk-in
closet. “I think I’ll change too.” It was a humongous space and his clothes
only filled a portion of it, so the rest he had crowded with unused studio
equipment, speakers and an obnoxiously large boombox.
Robin watched him as she applied her lotion. Her eyes swept
over his broad back and the way it tapered down to a toned waist. He was
perfectly built and if he stood there without moving, no one would know that he
had been born with cerebral palsy. His condition was not considered the most
severe even though he had been relegated to a wheelchair for most of his adult
life. His speech had been slurred and hard to understand and his hands and
fingers were almost impossible for him to control.
But within the last few months Jason had gotten back on
Baclofen, which helped to control his errant muscle movements. His muscles
still pulled and strained and his head swung when he didn’t necessarily mean it
too, but Baclofen had given Jason back the use of his legs—that along with a
half body orthotics, which encased his legs from hip to ankle.
It still amazed her when she watched him without him knowing
and he stood doing some task and his body seemed calm. The CP was more obvious
when you faced him head on and his green eyes watched from a face that had
muscles which jerked and controlled his expression, that controlled his voice,
that controlled his hands.
It was all calmer—he was calmer. He was different.
He came out of the closet carrying a t-shirt with the Wheels
Of Steel Logo on it. He held it up against his torso.
“Hey, did I show you this?” He asked proudly.
It was black with the name of the new WOS album written on
it; Nocturnal Transcendence coming Fall 2015.
Robin stood in awe and took the t-shirt. “Can I wear this?”
“Wait I have a smaller one.” He returned to the closet with
another t-shirt.
“Oh my God,” she whispered as she allowed the towel to drop
from her body. She tossed it onto the bed and quickly slipped on her bra. Jason
watched slack-jawed.
Once Robin had on her bra, she slipped on the t-shirt and
hurried to the mirror to see herself in it.
Jason was aware that she had not bothered to put on panties.
He pulled off his shirt and Robin watched his reflection in the mirror as he
pulled on his t-shirt.
She swallowed back her desire at the sight of his big chest
and biceps that tapered down to six-pack abs. His jeans hung low on hips in
which a line of muscles formed a V that disappeared into the jeans. His peaches
and cream skin was dotted with freckles and Robin wondered if any of his
groupies had played connect the dots with them the way she had on countless
nights that they had lain arm in arm together in his old apartment.
She slipped on her panties quickly before she decided that
they ought to do something else. His mom and dad would be here and they needed
to get the fire started in the grill.
Robin searched her suitcase for jeans and then suddenly she
felt Jason behind her. His hands were suddenly gripping her hips as she stood
bent over the bed. She felt him press himself against her, the hardness in his
pants rubbing along her panty-clad bottom.
“Jason …” she whispered.
“I can’t help it. You look so sexy wearing my shirt. Now all
I want to do is have you model it with nothing on beneath it. Then I want to
run my hands under it while you’re riding my cock.”
Her breath caught in her throat. Jason had always been great
at talking dirty and his words always set her off.
She looked over her shoulder at him in his t-shirt, which
hugged his muscular torso. Her eyes moved up to his face and she saw that his
green eyes were hooded and half closed and his red mane of hair was now hanging
in his face as he bent over her.
Oh my God …
Robin reached down to tug her panties down her thighs and
then she braced her hands on the bed.
She heard Jason’s zipper a second later but instead of his
long hard shaft, it was his lips and tongue that she felt kissing along her
slit. Robin groaned and arched her back while spreading her thighs. She felt
Jason’s tongue gliding up and down along her slit. And then his tongue entered
her canal and she felt his face bury between the cheeks of her ass. She caught
her breath in surprise but when his tongue began to piston in and out of her
pussy as if he was fucking her Robin’s body clenched and she pressed back
against his face.
Suddenly Jason’s finger was lightly grazing her swollen
labia and when he circled her clit Robin’s body jerked and she dropped to the
bed with a loud cry of pleasure.
“Fuck! Jason … please, what are you doing!” she said in a
jumble of words.
His hands spread her ass cheeks and he began to eat her
pussy in earnest, lapping and sucking and probing her until she clenched and
began to spasm around his tongue.
Her muscles began to jerk violently as she clutched the
sheets while her body lay prone against the opened suitcase. Jason’s hands were
suddenly around her waist and he jerked her up and swept the suitcase to the
floor.
Jason grabbed a pillow and shoved it beneath her hips and
then he pushed his cock inside of her from behind.
Robin’s mouth fell open. “Oh! Jason it’s so big!” She
screamed but her hips rolled against him so he didn’t slow the movements of his
hips. He pounded into her tight pussy knowing that she could take it—had taken
it for the last few days, over and over and over again.
He didn’t try to last and within moments his testicles
pulled up and he was shooting inside of her, filling her so that when he pumped
in and out of her he could see his cum pooling from her opening.
“Robin …” he cried as he felt the last spurt of cum deposit
into her depths. Instead of collapsing on her he stayed planted to his spot
behind her, his cock still buried within her tight depths and he stroked her
beautiful ass with his fingertips. His fingers allowed that and his thumbs
traced circles on her skin.
After a moment of laying there with her ass in the air and
Jason tickling her skin with his fingertips, Robin began to chuckle.
“Jason, I think it’s time for you to remove yourself from my
vagina now. We have a party to get ready for.”
He pulled out slowly, still semi-erect. He liked watching
his pale cock coming from her opening. She was brown and pink and tan and
together they made a beautiful sight. Could he get away with making this image
into an album cover? Maybe a painting just for the inner sanctum of his bedroom
…
Nocturnal Transcendence was the name of the album, but it
was about his dreams and not just his dreams but anyone’s dreams. It was about
who you became when you closed your eyes and fell asleep. When he closed his
eyes and fell asleep he was always with Robin.
Robin stood up and touched between her legs before hurrying
to the adjoining bathroom.
“Dang, babe!”
Jason laughed and picked up her suitcase and things from the
floor.
“You’re on the pill so no worries,” he called out to her.
“Yeah but how much of this stuff do you produce in a day? We
already did it twice this morning.” He heard the shower running again. “Ugh,
I’m going to be sore, damn your big dick!”
The smile fell off his face and Jason leaned over the bed
feeling lightheaded. He closed his eyes and a moment later it was as if the
world had dropped from beneath his feet.
Jason’s seizure was not violent nor was it long but when he
recovered he found himself lying on the floor flat on his back with his cock
out and pointing to the ceiling.
He hated when that happened and he quickly—but
carefully—shoved his dick back into his pants before he managed to pull himself
back up onto his feet. He could hear the shower still going and Robin humming
to herself.
Jason sat on the end of the bed, his smile returning and
then he kicked off his shoes and slipped off his pants. He drew down his boxers
next and swept the shirt off over his head and placed it neatly on the bed.
Still wearing his orthotics on his legs and hips, Jason
limped into the bathroom and pulled back the shower curtain—no glass shower
doors for him.
Robin squealed in surprise before she smiled and stepped
aside allowing him into the over-sized shower. It was so big that there was
even a place to sit and with the many handholds it was very good for Jason,
though he seldom used it because it preferred the Jacuzzi bathtub.
“Sorry you had to shower again,” he said although he wasn’t
the least bit sorry.
She looked down at his legs. “Are you allowed to get those
wet?”
He grinned. “I have another pair. I’ll set these to dry.”
He looked like a Storm Trooper from Star Wars, she thought.
She knew that they weren’t very comfortable, but obviously he had gotten used
to them. He wore them all day and only took them off in bed at night. While he
was getting his hair wet Robin grabbed his sponge and got it soapy and then she
ran it down his torso.
“Mmm,” he sighed. Robin washed him thoroughly and then gave
him a happy birthday slap on his ass. Jason decided that this was the best
birthday that he’d ever had and he vowed that he’d facilitate his future
happiness as soon as possible by placing a ring on Robin’s finger. Not today—no
it was too soon but the moment the awkward feeling between them disappeared he
would do it.
TO BE CONTINUED
On sale 7/24/2015 at Barnes and Noble and Amazon.com
